Cat and Mouse
by caitlyn-writes
Summary: Marlene and Sirius are both war damaged, and in need of some comfort. But by using each other for comfort, they unintentionally hurt themselves.


_When you love someone, you'll do insane things to keep them in your life, even if that means giving up your own happiness. _She looked down at her own writing and sighed. She bit the end of her quill and shook her head, crumbling up the parchment and throwing it into the fire only a meter away. Standing up, she walked to the mirror and crinkled her nose. The cut on her forehead made her sick to her stomach. Remembering the night before made her feel uneasy. It had made the war seem so real. The Order of The Phoenix was quick to react, providing her and her family with backup against the offenders, but it still did not calm her nervous mind. It was funny, she mused, how she had been tortured and nearly killed the day before, but her mind still wandered to _him_. As if on cue, there was a knock on the door to her flat. "Mar, let me in," A deep voice slurred. She was not surprised. "What is my favorite candy?" She said bleakly, knowing the person at the door was exactly who it sounded like. "Licorice Wands, now let me in you git." She rolled her eyes and opened the door. He was obviously inebriated and she shook her head. Sirius Black was about a foot taller than her. He had pale gray eyes, that he shared with his whole vile family, and he wore muggle attire; a black t-shirt and faded denims. "You were wrong, you know. It's sugar quills." "Oh right," He said quietly, looking around. "So what do you want?" She asked, crossing her arms impatiently. "You know what I want," He said, his eyebrow raising. She rolled her eyes and sat down at the table. "I'm tired." He ignored her, and sat down next to her. His finger traced the offending wound on her face. "He got you good, McNair did." She stiffened. "Like Hestia Jones did last night when you grabbed her arse." He smiled crookedly, and she felt herself soften. Damn him, she thought. "Are you jealous my attention was elsewhere, Marlene?" He asked condescendingly. "No," She countered, "But you were when Fabian Prewett asked me on a date in front of you, weren't you?" His smile dropped. "No," He said, leaning in to whisper next to her ear, "Why would I be jealous when I can have you entirely anytime I fancy… I don't need to take you out on a date to get that." She could have slapped him. She shot him a look of daggers. He laughed. She stood up, walking towards her bedroom. "Darling, if I thought you were the kind of man Fabian was, I wouldn't have given it up so easily. But I knew you were only good for one thing." He stood up, angrily making a beeline for her. He grabbed her face roughly and pressed his lips against hers forcefully. Her body felt like it was on fire. His lips dropped to her jawline, and then her neck. "Can he make you feel like this?" He whispered and she shivered. She shook her head, letting him win like always. They made their way to the bedroom. After it was over, they laid in Marlene's bed, looking at each other. "D'ya think I could stay, just for tonight?" He asked earnestly. She nodded, tracing circles on his chest. Nobody liked to be alone at night since the war had started. "So you went on the date?" He asked, and she nodded once again. "How was it?" She looked at him, realizing his eyes looked so childlike and almost innocent at tat moment. "Good," She started. "He's great-Fabian. But I just- I just don't see the point of dating, and all that now. We're in the middle of a war. I'm not going to start a family any time soon. He's the kind of guy that wants all that, you know?" Sirius looked at her thoughtfully. "That's why you like me." She looked at him and bit her lip. "I guess so." He looked away. "How was Hestia? Any good in bed?" He grinned. "I like that she's older. She's more experienced, " He added with a wink. Marlene set her jaw. This _arrangement_ they had been at for months was daunting, tiring, and complicated. "Why do you come back every night, Sirius?" She asked, genuinely interested. He looked at her and uncharacteristically pulled her close to him. "I don't know," He answered honestly. "I- I like doing what we do. Like- obviously I like sex, but I like sex with you. It keeps my mind off of everything. I feel happy…I guess." She sighed. "Let's go to sleep, okay?" She asked and he nodded. She rolled over and he put an arm around her. She normally would protest, but tonight the comfort of having his body breathing evenly next to her is what she needs.

Her blonde hair is a tangled mess in the morning. The sheets stick to her skin, and her mouth feels dry, with her lips chapped. She wraps the duvet around her naked body and walks into her small kitchen. Sirius is in there, making something on the stovetop. "You look good," He says, with a sarcastic smirk.  
"Speak for yourself. How is that hangover treating you?" She sits down at the table holding the blanket tightly around her. He's cooking in just his boxers. She looks at the muscles contracting on his arm as he flips over a pancake. His body is well sculpted, she notes, though she's seen and _felt_ it many times. He has the body that makes girls think they're in love after one night, she muses. He knows just how to work his in the right way with theirs. He looks straight at her. "Like what you see?" She blushes and looks down. "It's not what I see, it's what I don't see and know is there." He leans against the counter and looks interested. "And what's that?" She stands up, coming closer to him. "You are a scared little boy, Sirius Black. You use women to make yourself feel better. To feel powerful and in control when you know very well you have no power or control." He looks angry, and she's only centimeters from his face. "You think you control me, that you come back here every night, and I don't know about all the women you've been with. You think I don't smell their perfume, and taste the alcohol you both poured down your throats. I know all about them. You think you're so clever, coming back to me for a good shag and I _give_ it to you. Well you're wrong. I'm the one who controls you. You come crawling back like a little puppy dog. I let you in, let you in my bed, and let you feel emotions that you like to pretend you can't feel. I see through your façade." He's speechless, and the pancakes begin to burn. "Mckinnon," He finally counters. "You mean nothing to me. You're just another whore that lets me have their way with them. You're damaged from the war- just as much as me. We're both damaged goods, and we both know we're not good for anybody. But I feel nothing, you're just as disposable as the next." She's hurt. She can't let on though. Her hardened features crumble without her own permission. She turns away and walks into her room, shutting the door. He's made her cry, and she's ashamed. She knew this was a bad idea. Lily, James and Remus had warned her against it. Meaningless sex was not a good idea. It wasn't a good outlet for their nervous energy, she knew this. But she certainly did not foresee herself falling for someone so callous, so pig headed and so uncaring. Sliding herself against the door she silently lets the tears slide down her face. She hears a soft knock on the door. "Mar, I-" "Just go home, Sirius," She said through gritted teeth. "I'll see you later." Hearing him walk away and out the front door, she opened the bedroom door and put some water in the tea kettle with a sigh.

The order meeting began like it always had. James and Lily were fighting like usual, with a playful air to the argument. He finally gets her to laugh, Marlene notices as she sat down next to Remus. "Has something happened between you and Sirius?" He asked and Marlene looked at his pale face. "No. Nothing 'happens' between me and Sirius. We do- what we do, and that's all there is to it." Remus looked at her skeptically. "We both know it's more than that." She sighs. "Not for him." He looked at her sympathetically. "Fabian fancies you, you know." Marlene rolled her eyes. "Fabian is too nice." "Not just Fabian, Marlene. So many guys are interested in you. You're a catch. It just seems you only have eyes for one person." "Oh shove it, Remus. I don't have eyes for anyone." Her response doesn't even convince herself. As if on cue, Sirius barged in, the last to assemble at the meeting. Dumbledore's worried eyes twinkle for half a second upon seeing the man, who is still very much a boy walk into his meeting. "Thank you for joining us, Mr. Black," He said, though not malevolently. "I'm sorry, Sir. My bike broke down and- I'll just sit down." Sirius took a seat next to Marlene and her body stiffened involuntarily. The meeting began with Frank Longbottom giving a lengthy report on something about the ministry, but Marlene cannot focus. "Mar," His voice whispered in her ear. "I shouldn't have said all that this morning. I was being a prat… I just- you know I'm no good. I never meant for any of this to hurt you-" "You haven't hurt me, Sirius," She whispered back. "You're a pathetic excuse for a man. I only pity you. You don't know what to do about any of your emotions. Don't come crawling back to me the next time you drink yourself into a stupor." He looked stricken. "Fine. If that's what you want." "It's exactly what I want." The weeks stretched on with no contact from him. She drank tea with Lily and James while she watched them dance around Sirius' name and avoid bringing him up. He didn't drunkenly knock on her door, and seduce her when she told him she wanted to sleep. He didn't come when he was too drunk to walk straight, running to her toilet or sink to vomit. She didn't rub his back while he cried, telling her how he didn't want to end up like his family- his worst fear- or while he told her over and over again he loved her. These were the things he never remembered in the morning. These were the things that kept her holding on to a small shred of hope. She laid in bed alone, some nights expecting to see him lying next to her. It wasn't until two months later that she heard a knock on her door. "Mar, you need to let me in!" It was about one AM and she recognized the voice. Without hesitation she thrust the door open. He had been crying, and he didn't reek of alcohol. "Sirius," She whispered, pulling him into her flat and guiding her to the bedroom. "What's the matter?" He looked away, and she could tell he felt embarrassed. "It's Reg- my brother. I've just found out that- that he's dead. Voldemort killed him. I always thought he'd be safe, Mar. I told myself if there was one good thing about my baby brother joining up with his band of gits was that it kept him safe. I- I just thought he'd-" Sirius broke off, putting his head in his hands. Marlene wanted desperately to protect herself, and to tell him to leave but Sirius looked so vulnerable, and so broken. She had seen him like this of course, but never sober. She put her arms around him and slid herself close to him on the bed. "Sirius I am so sorry." "And I know I was a right git to you. I don't deserve to be here, telling you my problems. But you're the first person I thought to…" He trailed off and looked at her. "You deserved so much more than what I- Marlene I wanted to always tell you…" He couldn't say it and she took her hand. "I know." He looked at her. "I'll only hurt you." "I know." He leaned in slowly, gently catching her lips with his. Marlene was taken off guard by this gentle gesture that was so uncharacteristic of him. When they broke apart, she was out of breath. "I think the reason I treat you so badly," He started, looking down, "Is because of this." "What do you mean?" Marlene asked, intrigued by this sudden breakthrough. "I lost Reg tonight. Someone who I haven't given a second thought to in months. I mean, a passing worry- hoping he's safe- but if I lost- Marlene I think about you all the time. I think about your body and your- your lips- and that's not that weird for me. But then I started thinking about your stupid laugh, and how it's so high pitched. I started thinking a lot about the cowlick in your hair, and the way you look when you sleep. I hated it, and every time I can over here drunk..when I would ask to stay the night- those were the only nights I felt alright, Mar- because I knew that you were safe." She bit her lip and looked down. "I lied when I said you didn't hurt me, Sirius." He looked at her, furrowing his brow. "I'm sorr-" "No," She whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "I let you come back to me for months, and we had this little back and forth repartee. I'm not letting myself give into you anymore. So don't try to win me back. I'll be your friend when you need me, but you can't even tell me that you love me. You can't say the words. I'm done letting myself get hurt. Being with you was the most self-destructive thing I've ever done." He looked at her with pleading eyes. "I am so sorry, Marlene." She nodded and he stood up. He stopped mid-way to the door, and she could tell he wanted to say something. But instead he walked out the door. Marlene exhaled and leaned back on her bed, letting the tears take over.

The next time Sirius would see Marlene she would be in a casket. Her boyfriend, Fabian would be bawling next to it. Sirius would remain emotionless and blank. He would feel totally void of any emotion. He would shake Fabian's hand- and whisper his condolences. Fabian of course had no clue about Marlene and Sirius. Sirius would walk up to the coffin, admiring the young woman. Her golden hair was neatly brushed, and her cheeks were lined with the same familiar freckles. Her hands were clasped on her lower abdomen and the corners of her lips were tugged into a small peaceful smile. How Sirius wished he had seduced her weeks before into letting him stay the night, and every night after that. He would have protected her. He would have told her he loved her. He would have proposed, he thought, and they would have been married. His heart felt like it was bleeding. He walked out of the funeral home and to her flat. The door had been blasted off of the hinges, and debris lined the floor. He walked into her bedroom and laid on the bed, inhaling into the pillow and memorizing her scent. He stayed there for what seemed like days, disconnected from the world entirely.


End file.
